| robb
| 2/05/03 09:20:12 AM
| so anyway....
|
| robb
| 2/05/03 09:23:45 AM
| we gets there, see? and it seems like a fine place, if a little quiet. tuesday night and bad weather on the way... not surprised, really. i goes next door to the starlite lounge cuz their kitchen's open.
|
| robb
| 2/05/03 09:24:56 AM
| and return anon with burger and fries (plus some cole slaw, but no fork). none of this matters to the story of The Moondogs Incident, but it was a fine burger anyway.
|
| robb
| 2/05/03 09:26:30 AM
| whilst i'm over at the starlite lounge procuring food, ms. lynly arrives at moondogs. to all outward appearances, she looks normal.
|
| robb
| 2/05/03 09:27:18 AM
| at this point, she mentions several key issues (pay attention now, cuz this IS part of The Moondogs Incident, or at least will be soon):
|
| robb
| 2/05/03 09:28:33 AM
| pete, lynly's new friend, of whom we have heard, but whom we have not met, may or may not be attending tonight's event.
|
| robb
| 2/05/03 09:29:55 AM
| tina, an acquaintence of ms. lynly and band-mate of the aforementioned ronny (or ronnie), who runs the open stage event, will be in attendence. she's the one who filled us in on the particulars of this event.
|
| robb
| 2/05/03 09:30:27 AM
| that last should have been a bullet item, not a bold item, but no matter. just stay with me
|
| robb
| 2/05/03 09:34:03 AM
| as part of tonight's program, we will be performing "At Last", a fine bluesy song made popular by Etta James. this is a very nice song, but it is made up of some rather difficult and interesting chords
|
| robb
| 2/05/03 09:37:19 AM
| let me interject here that lynly has been regaling us with tales of pete for weeks. we've taken to calling him yoko.
|
| robb
| 2/05/03 09:38:29 AM
|
|
| robb
| 2/05/03 09:38:34 AM
| so anyway...
|
| robb
| 2/05/03 09:38:38 AM
|
|
| robb
| 2/05/03 09:39:19 AM
| what happened next is this: i borrowed a fork from billie, the bartender. again: doesn't matter to the story, but the cole slaw was excellent.
|
| robb
| 2/05/03 09:44:19 AM
| i'm getting kinda hungry describing this. luckily, i have an entire drawer full of lance crackers and raisins.
|
| robb
| 2/05/03 09:45:10 AM
| i believe i'll have toastchee today
|
| robb
| 2/05/03 09:45:38 AM
| where was i? oh yes, the fork.
|
| robb
| 2/05/03 09:45:53 AM
|
|
| robb
| 2/05/03 09:48:27 AM
| so as i sit at the corner table eating cole slaw, in walks a guy who looks like the marlboro man with a pony tail. he's got this long black leather coat on, well-worn cowboy boots, generally looking like his horse is parked right outside. turns out this is pete.
|
| robb
| 2/05/03 09:50:29 AM
| also, two women come in at about the same time. one of whom, it turns out, is tina.
|
| robb
| 2/05/03 09:50:45 AM
| tina is a singer in a disco band called "dancing queen"
|
| robb
| 2/05/03 09:50:55 AM
| i'm assuming they do their share of ABBA
|
| robb
| 2/05/03 09:51:12 AM
| another member of "dancing queen" is ronnie (or ronny)
|
| robb
| 2/05/03 09:52:57 AM
| ronny (or ronnie) runs the open stage, tina knows ronnie (or ronny), lynly knows tina, that's why we're here.
|
| robb
| 2/05/03 09:53:20 AM
| at this point, lynly doesn't look nervous
|
| robb
| 2/05/03 09:53:39 AM
| she doesn't seem to be pounding the alchoholic beverages either
|
| robb
| 2/05/03 09:54:41 AM
| she spends an inordinate amount of time fixing her hair in the bathroom, but when she comes out she seems perfectly normal
|
| robb
| 2/05/03 09:55:21 AM
| lynly and pete (or yoko) vanish into the back for a while. she comes out with her hair a little messed up, but still perfectly normal
|
| robb
| 2/05/03 09:55:41 AM
|
|
| robb
| 2/05/03 09:55:47 AM
|
|
| robb
| 2/05/03 09:55:52 AM
| cue the music
|
| robb
| 2/05/03 09:55:57 AM
|
|
| robb
| 2/05/03 10:00:15 AM
| note to self: toastchee and raisins make a tasty and cozy little midmorning snack.
|
| robb
| 2/05/03 10:01:26 AM
| so the open stage begins with ronny (or ronnie) playing and singing a half dozen or so songs. nice 12-string guitar (kinda quacky, but not too quacky). very nice voice. he can hit the high notes easily and sings in tune.
|
| robb
| 2/05/03 10:04:39 AM
| some of ronny's (or ronnie's) selections: margaritaville, the way (by fastball), proud mary (he opened with this one), and others....
|
| robb
| 2/05/03 10:06:14 AM
| at this point, we notice that lynly is carrying around a glass filled with bright red liquid
|
| robb
| 2/05/03 10:06:19 AM
|
|
| robb
| 2/05/03 10:06:34 AM
| gotta do some work now.... more later. ;)
|
| robb
| 2/05/03 10:06:39 AM
|
|
| robb
| 2/05/03 11:34:24 AM
| so where was i?
|
| robb
| 2/05/03 11:35:04 AM
| oh yeah, lynly's starting to tune up, ronny (or ronnie or was it danny?) is playing and singing.
|
| robb
| 2/05/03 11:36:35 AM
| so now tina comes up to sing. ronnie (...) plays guitar for her. tina sings very well. here are a few of the tunes she did: me and bobby magee, gimme one reason (tracy chapman song), and a bunch of others
|
| robb
| 2/05/03 11:39:09 AM
| lynly joined in on a couple, singing harmonies...
|
| robb
| 2/05/03 11:39:22 AM
| it's at this point that i begin to notice
|
| robb
| 2/05/03 11:39:27 AM
| that she's having trouble
|
| robb
| 2/05/03 11:39:37 AM
| singing completely in tune
|
| robb
| 2/05/03 11:39:40 AM
|
|
| robb
| 2/05/03 11:40:38 AM
| eventually....
|
| robb
| 2/05/03 11:40:52 AM
| it's our turn to perform
|
| robb
| 2/05/03 11:40:55 AM
|
|
| robb
| 2/05/03 01:23:35 PM
| feel free to jump in any time, dave. i'm gonna be kinda busy this afternoon.
|
| robb
| 2/05/03 01:23:44 PM
|
|
| tom
| 2/05/03 04:51:21 PM
| c'mon Robb...what happened!?
|
| tom
| 2/05/03 04:51:45 PM
| I'm dyin' here.
|
| tom
| 2/05/03 04:52:12 PM
| I'm waiting for lynly to go postal or something...
|
| robb
| 2/06/03 08:26:44 AM
|
|
| robb
| 2/06/03 08:26:47 AM
| wellsir...
|
| robb
| 2/06/03 08:27:09 AM
|
|
| robb
| 2/06/03 08:31:45 AM
| in the space of that 45 minutes to an hour, ms. lynly had managed to get herself totally fucked up on that red glowing substance in her glass.
|
| robb
| 2/06/03 08:32:36 AM
| falling down drunk. screaming at strangers in the subway drunk. slurring her words as she spoke drunk.
|
| robb
| 2/06/03 08:35:23 AM
| the stage was narrow, but deep. it's almost as if we were all standing in single file, lyn at the front, then me, then ed and dave, then pat
|
| robb
| 2/06/03 08:35:43 AM
| i goes, "so, lynly... yer not drivin' home, are ya?"
|
| robb
| 2/06/03 08:36:50 AM
| she goes, "shaddap" and starts counting out the first song really loud (and off tempo) while ronny (or is it donnie?) is introducing us
|
| robb
| 2/06/03 08:38:33 AM
|
|
| robb
| 2/06/03 08:39:12 AM
| and we launch (er, lurch is more like it) into the first tune: "lie to me" by johnny lang.
|
| robb
| 2/06/03 08:39:16 AM
|
|
| robb
| 2/06/03 08:51:29 AM
| well, she got through two verses with minimal trouble, and in fact the first problem was during the solo, half of us were playing a verse, half were playing the bridge (lynly was doing body-builder-like poses at this point). we finally all clambored into the bridge like a train pulling into a station, but ms. lynly was most definitely not on the platform.
|
| robb
| 2/06/03 08:52:29 AM
|
|
| robb
| 2/06/03 08:53:17 AM
| from this point forward, lynly never remembered another verse and never once came in on her cue.
|
| robb
| 2/06/03 08:55:03 AM
| eventually, the song ground to a halt. we all emerged relatively unscathed. if that was the worst we messed up, it'd be a pretty good "set".
|
| robb
| 2/06/03 08:55:07 AM
|
|
| robb
| 2/06/03 08:55:10 AM
| but no
|
| robb
| 2/06/03 08:55:14 AM
|
|
| robb
| 2/06/03 08:56:56 AM
| next was "start it up" by robben ford. it's a simple western swing 12 bar tune in G. nothing to it.
|
| robb
| 2/06/03 08:58:23 AM
| lynly's gotten to the point where she has to make up the words or just slur them as she goes along, cuz she can't remember a damn thing. she has not gotten to the point, however, where she realizes she's too drunk to go on. since we were all lined up behind the speakers, most of us couldn't really hear what she was singing anyway.
|
| robb
| 2/06/03 08:58:49 AM
| so we plowed ahead
|
| robb
| 2/06/03 08:58:52 AM
|
|
| robb
| 2/06/03 08:59:53 AM
| after this, we were gonna do another relatively easy song. i forget which one. it might have gone okay if we had done it, but at this point, several things happened at once:
|
| robb
| 2/06/03 09:01:38 AM
| tina, the friend, has been watching the train pulling outta the station and was probably the first to realize the brakes had failed. she comes up to the stage with a glass of coke, hoping the caffiene will sober lynly up.
|
| robb
| 2/06/03 09:02:03 AM
| lynly decides we're ready to do "at last". which we aren't.
|
| robb
| 2/06/03 09:02:59 AM
| i try to talk her out of it. to no avail
|
| robb
| 2/06/03 09:03:26 AM
| it starts to become obvious to everybody (except one person) that the singer is to wasted to sing
|
| robb
| 2/06/03 09:03:32 AM
|
|
| robb
| 2/06/03 09:04:14 AM
| so i start out the intro to "at last"
|
| robb
| 2/06/03 09:04:52 AM
| it's just G / Em / Am7 / Eb D and then we pause and wait for her to bring us in for the verse
|
| robb
| 2/06/03 09:05:26 AM
| so the intro comes to this semi-dramatic pause..
|
| robb
| 2/06/03 09:05:37 AM
| time for lynly to bring us in...
|
| robb
| 2/06/03 09:05:46 AM
| lights beating down on us...
|
| robb
| 2/06/03 09:06:04 AM
| my life flashes before my eyes
|
| robb
| 2/06/03 09:06:51 AM
| it is at this very moment that lynly finally realizes the jig is up. she has no idea what the words to the song might be. she doesn't know the melody. she doesn't know her note. she doesn't even really remember what song we're doing....
|
| robb
| 2/06/03 09:08:01 AM
| "aaaAAAAAaaaaaAAAAAAtttt llllallaaaaaassssssttttt", she finally warbles, vainly attempting to find her note by some sort of search algorithm involving every possible note....
|
| robb
| 2/06/03 09:11:03 AM
| by this point, tina has moved to the side of the stage and has attracted my attention. she's mouthing the words, "she's not going to make it" at me and i nod, thinking lynly's gonna bolt from the stage, so i turn to the band and try to do one of those paul shafer quick endings....
|
| robb
| 2/06/03 09:12:18 AM
| we all come to a halt on the G at the same time. damage control. we've clearly averted a train wreck, the only thing that remains is for somebody to lead lynly off stage and donnie (or ronny) to introduce the next act
|
| robb
| 2/06/03 09:12:22 AM
| but no
|
| robb
| 2/06/03 09:14:50 AM
|
|
| robb
| 2/06/03 09:25:01 AM
| remember i said this was a song chock full of tricky chords? well, the bridge was the hardest part. we hadn't tried this song in months, had never tried it in public, and nobody knew all the chords
|
| robb
| 2/06/03 09:26:12 AM
| luckily, i had a cheat-sheet in my gig bag, so i put it on the floor in front of me and dave watched my hands to get the chords from me. ed may or may not have had a cheat-sheet, but he was pretty much on his own.
|
| robb
| 2/06/03 09:26:32 AM
| also luckily, we had ended the song before we got to the bridge.
|
| robb
| 2/06/03 09:26:39 AM
| or so we thought.
|
| robb
| 2/06/03 09:26:43 AM
|
|
| robb
| 2/06/03 09:28:03 AM
| as i was unplugging my guitar and AFTER i had put my cheat-sheet away, ms. lynly suddenly thought she remembered some of the words for the bridge.... maybe...
|
| robb
| 2/06/03 09:28:44 AM
| and... well... she just started singing again. the bridge.
|
| robb
| 2/06/03 09:30:12 AM
| we all exchanged panicked looks and made a vain attempt to figure out what part of the song she was singing, what key she was singing it in, and what the chords might possibly be.
|
| robb
| 2/06/03 09:31:04 AM
| remember the hooterville orchestra from "green acres" and "petticoat junction"? that's kinda what we sounded like
|
| robb
| 2/06/03 09:31:38 AM
| i went to the side of the stage and whispered to tina, "you're gonna have to get her off the stage"
|
| robb
| 2/06/03 09:32:32 AM
| then we all tried to get back to G / Em / Am7 / Eb D and then somehow end this nightmare
|
| robb
| 2/06/03 09:32:47 AM
| ed looked at me, his eyes very wide...
|
| robb
| 2/06/03 09:33:14 AM
| "this is a nightmare," he moaned
|
|
| 2/06/03 04:07:50 PM
|
tune in again tomorrow for the chilling conclusion of The Moondogs Incident
|
| blog gods
| 2/06/03 11:20:28 PM
| oh foolish mortal ... this is a most entertaining story! we're well pleased and look forward to the suspenseful conclusion. as reward for your most entertaining tale we hope you find the new multi-line input feature a pleasent boon.
|
| robb
| 2/07/03 09:52:29 AM
|
|
| robb
| 2/07/03 10:03:59 AM
| a few quick program notes before we return you to our feature presentation:
the only tune the hooterville orchestra "knew" was that old song about the great chicago fire: "late last night, while we were all in bed..."
the main chord progression for "at last" is actually a very simple variation on what we call the "heart and soul" progression. if you're a typical US citizen, "heart and soul" may be the only song you know how to play on the piano. tom hanks and robert loggia played this tune on a giant piano in the motion picture "big". richard dreyfus and amy irving played it on a normal sized piano in the motion picture "the competition"
the most puzzling line in "the competition" is when richard dreyfus says to amy irving, "nobody looks that good under direct light".
this multi-line input box is kinda neat, but please don't tell the blog gods. they'll think i'm sucking up.
| robb
| 2/07/03 10:04:09 AM
|
| | robb
| 2/07/03 10:04:22 AM
|
| | robb
| 2/07/03 10:05:07 AM
| i still want to be able to edit my posts, though...
| robb
| 2/07/03 10:05:16 AM
|
| | robb
| 2/07/03 10:05:36 AM
| and now, back to our story....
| | robb
| 2/07/03 10:05:46 AM
|
| | robb
| 2/07/03 10:14:41 AM
| when we last saw our heroes, they were variously freaking out, being dragged off the stage by concerned citizens, slowly becoming aware that something was amiss, and trying to avert a train derailment by dragging their feet (this last part is metaphorical only, of course).
| | robb
| 2/07/03 10:27:38 AM
| this chaotic situation seemed at the time like it must be the very worst feeling on earth. unfortunately, the sheer embarassment of the chaotic end to our little act paled in comparison to the absolute, total silence that followed.
| | robb
| 2/07/03 10:29:38 AM
| cuz, ya see, we were still on the stage, holding our instruments, lights burning down on us, just standing there.
| | robb
| 2/07/03 10:31:46 AM
| at least the cacophony of mrs. leary's cow (again, metaphorically only) had provided some cover, some thing for our minds to grasp onto.
| | robb
| 2/07/03 10:32:02 AM
| now we just stood there
| | robb
| 2/07/03 10:32:50 AM
|
| | robb
| 2/07/03 10:35:46 AM
| i'm not sure whose idea it was for us to all bust into an extra jazzy rendition of "the autumn leaves", but it was a straw (metaphorically), and we were drowning men (literally men, figuratively drowning... tell ya what... i'll just let you figure out from now on what's literal and what's metaphor, k?). we grabbed it.
| | robb
| 2/07/03 10:36:05 AM
|
| | robb
| 2/07/03 10:41:19 AM
| The falling leaves
Drift by the window
The autumn leaves
Of red and gold
I see your lips
The summer kisses
The sunburned hands
I used to hold
Since you went away
The days grow long
And soon I'll hear
Old winter's song
But I miss you most of all
My darling
When autumn leaves
Start to fall
But I miss you most of all
My darling
When autumn leaves
Start to fall
| | robb
| 2/07/03 10:42:00 AM
|
clearly, that was not the formatting i had expected
| | robb
| 2/07/03 10:48:25 AM
| well, making noise on stage is always better than gaping blankly at eachother in panicked silence.
and having everybody make the same noise is better imitating than the hooterville philharmonic.
so although i'm sure nobody in the audience ever expected to have a bunch of middle aged men play a jazz version of the autumn leaves for them this particular evening, it was probably a relief for everybody in blawnox that evening.
in some small way, at least...
| | robb
| 2/07/03 11:16:23 AM
| As we played this tune, Tina came up to the front of the stage to whisper in my ear that Lynly was ok and she didn't often get that wasted. I whispered back to her, "Do you know the words to Moondance?"
| | robb
| 2/07/03 12:16:09 AM
|
her response: "no"
| | robb
| 2/07/03 12:17:41 AM
| so after a little negotiation, we drag tina up onto the stage to sing "bitch" by meredith brooks, which leads to "what i am" by edie brickell, which leads to us dragging timmy (or donnie) up on the stage to sing...
no, i'm not kidding
taking care of business
| | robb
| 2/07/03 12:17:56 AM
| old time rock and roll
| | robb
| 2/07/03 12:22:20 AM
| up until this point, it had never occurred to me that i'd ever be in a situation so embarassing that playing "old time rock and roll" would seem like a viable solution.
| | robb
| 2/07/03 03:06:39 PM
| well, folks, we pulled it off, i guess. any landing you walk away from, or as my grandmother might say, "any landing away from which you walk..."
| | robb
| 2/07/03 03:09:52 PM
| here ends the saga of The Moondogs Incident. we pulled the musical equivalent of yelling "hey what's that over there?" and running out the back door. as we left walked out of the bar...
i turned to my compatriots and said,
"could be worse... could be raining"
and as we piled into the van, the snow started coming down.
| | tom
| 2/07/03 04:49:28 PM
| oh Robb....I'm cryin here. My sides ache. Thanks for that story. Now... you know, it's just gotta get better.
| | tom
| 2/10/03 04:54:05 PM
| That's gotta be one of the best stories I've heard in quite a while....I keep reading it for kicks. One question...who IS Lynly anyway?
| | tom
| 2/10/03 04:54:30 PM
| see ya later.
| | pkf
| 2/11/03 02:14:14 AM
| Excellent story. I can't wait to hear about your next performance.
| | |
missing from picture: one patrick rush
