Skullduggery at the RNC

Ah, Democracy, the Great Experiment. It has served us well lo these many years. And for that reason, I've observed our American political machinations from a distance. Up until now, the Republic has survived and sometimes even prospered without my intervention.

But things have changed.

I've uncovered a conspiracy so insidious, so far-reaching that I can no longer remain silent. I use the term "silent" in a figurative sense, of course. It's not like I'm hollering these words as I type them. All the other words, though, are used literally. Except the part about being unable to remain silent. I could conceivably keep this information to myself, but I choose not to.

Ok, we're really off-track here. Let's get back to the Amazing Story breaking right here on this very blog.

I was watching the Republican National Convention last night. Well, actually I was watching the World Series of Poker, but the cat sat on the remote control. At any rate, the Republican National Convention was on the TV and my eyes were pointed in that direction.

A man was giving a speech. The TV was muted, so I couldn't tell what he was saying, but something about him bothered me.

I did a little research, and before long I had unraveled a conspiracy of amazing proportions. I'll now attempt to make this information public before going underground. Again, not literally.

What I'll really be doing is moving under cover of night from safe-house to safe-house, trying to stay one step ahead of the Secret Service, or whoever it is they'll send after me.

If you're reading this, please help to get the word out. We can not be silenced if we are steadfast!

This man calls himself John McCain:


It says here that Mr. McCain is a Republican Senator from Arizona.

"John McCain" is also the name that flashed on the screen below the face of the man giving that silent speech last night on my TV. But this man who claims to be a US Senator and War Hero is not who he says he is.

And I can prove it.

I have developed photographic evidence from Very Reliable Sources which proves not only that this "John McCain" is an impostor but that the man behind the charade is responsible for a number of covert operations going back years and building a web of control in the Government and Industry.

But before I present that proof, perhaps it would be best to ask ourselves, "Who is capable of this level of deception? Who has the influence and diabolical genius to pull of such a nefarious power grab? Who stands to gain from this evil plan?"

There's only one person in all the world with the ambition, the evil genius, and the megalomaniacal chutzpa to attempt a deception of this magnatude.

That's right. It's Garth Brooks.

Only Garth Brooks has the influence to pull it off. Only Garth Brooks could think of a plan so devious. Only Garth Brooks has the all-consuming ambition to control the United States Senate through deception and impersonation.

Study the photographs. Note the astounding similarities. They're the same man!


And as if any more proof were needed, consider this: you never see John McCain and Garth Brooks in the same place at the same time. This is proof positive that they are in fact one and the same man.

Further investigation reveals that this Garth Brooks has perpetrated similar frauds in the past, apparently in order to expand his sphere of influence. Study the following photo and you will see that the musician calling himself "Chris Gaines" is in fact the selfsame Garth Brooks in disguise.



Clearly, this hoax perpetrated on the naive fans of pastuerized shrink-wrapped grunge rock was a gateway crime intended to solidify his control over the pastuerized shrink-wrapped music industry and to confuse the buying public enough so that he could implement phase two of his cunning strategy.

It's easy to imagine the cynical rumblings of his draconian mind, "If I can fool the pastuerized shrink-wrapped consumers of musical paraphernalia, I can surely fool the citizens of the Great State of Arizona! Mwhahahaha!"

But before he could pull off the grand deception, he'd attempt one more hoax on the pastuerized shrink-wrapped music fans of America. Here is another shocking photo in the paper-trail of deception. Once again, I'm being figurative. This isn't a paper trail, it's a bunch of electrons marching in single file. Well, that's figurative too, so let's just let it go and get back to the Shocking Photographic Evidence.

Study the following photos and you'll come to the only logical confusion: Carney Wilson is in fact Garth Brooks!



How far does it go? How deeply do the roots of this conspiracy penetrate the soil of the American Way? Those were metaphorical roots, by the way. The soil too. But not the American Way. That part was literal.

The answer to these (metaphorical) questions is yet to be discovered.