Where the Hell Have I Been?

You want the truth? You can't handle the truth.

I've been languishing like an Apostle in a dirt-floored prison somewhere in Gitmo, OK?

Now don't you feel bad that you hollered at me?

Anyhoo (the Boys from Enginnering hate it when people say "anyhoo"), due to a strategically placed bet (3 cigarettes) late in the regular season, I now own two thirds of mainland Cuba. You need a winter home? Get yourself a 55 gallon drum of SPF 15 and a briefcase fulla cash and we'll talk.

Yep, the Screws at Gitmo and the Communists in Havana share two weaknesses: olive drab and a fuzzy grasp of the National By-God Football League.

So here I am, back and better than ever. I'm ready to straighten out the world's problems, run this University like a well-oiled machine, and maybe learn a thing or two along the way.

But first a shower, and some kind of libation that does NOT contain rum.