What? Stubby’s Back? Oh shit.

Ow. I just woke up and learned that Dean Stubby is back. So I swallowed a fistful of the first bottle of pills I found in the, that thingy, the you-know, cabinet where we keep medicine. The “something-something”, or something like that. I puked those pills right the hell back up. Good thing too. I think it was the cat’s heartworm medication.

Anyhow, I digress. Funny word, “digress”. Not sure why I find it funny. Nothing else seems that funny now. Everything is more like, what’s the word? Painful. Yes, as in full of pain. At least puking up the cat’s pills took my mind off the pain for a while. Or at least shifted it around a bit. Now where was I? Ah. I was trying to figure out where I was. That’s where.

The last thing I remember before I passed in and began to digress was a bunch of jack-booted storm troopers raiding the campus and taking all of the computer equipment. I think they gave me a receipt. And then there was an indeterminate time spent in a small room where I was repeatedly questioned on the matter of Dean Stubby’s whereabouts. The last I heard was that he had gone home because he wanted to watch some basketball game or something. That’s all I knew. That’s all I said. Flushing my Koran down the toilet did nothing to change this so they eventually let me go. And when I returned, I found that the BCDC (thats BCDC) had been ransacked and left in an even more shambillic state.

Everything of value was gone. And so was Dean Stubby. I was in charge. The only thing left to do was to go on a nine month long bender. It is what Stubby would have wanted. At least for himself.

And then I came around. My head hurt, my feet stunk, and the cat was dead. And there was a shit-boat of messages on the machine. I guess the Boys From Engineering was right about needing that 60 GB drive for the phone. Go figure. So I sat and listened to nine months worth of messages while trying to cure my headache by teaching myself to play the cello.

“Your rent is overdue.” –beep- “We are going to repossess everything you own if you don’t pay the rent.” –beep- “We really want the past months’ rent if you don’t mind, you slackers.” –beep- “My god, what did you hippies do to the place? Keep it! Just keep it!” –beep- “By the way, your cat is dead.”. And so on. I never did learn how to play the cello. Hell I never even figured out where you blow into it.

So, who won the Super Bowl?

- 1/2