This is Schroedinger

This is Schroedinger's Weiner Dog. His name is Lozenge. He's lugubrious at one end. Long and tube-shaped in the middle, and waggingly happy at the other end.

More about him later.

This is Schroedinger the Mad Scientist. No, not that Schroedinger the Mad Scientist. That was his grandfather. Interestingly enough, Schroedinger's grandfather left our friend Schroedinger a castle in the Forbidding Mountains of Pennsylvania. Mwahahaha. No, not Castle Shannon, but nearby. There are many castles in the Forbidding Mountains of Pennsylvania. Mwahahaha.

So Schroedinger the Mad Scientist packed up his Lovely Wife Ursula and his equally Lovely Weiner Dog Lozenge, left his post at the Academy (no, not banjocollege.com (that's banjocollege.com), but another Academy. The one he was Mad at), and moved into the Mysterious Castle in the Forbidding Mountains of Pennsylvania. Mwahahaha.

I think you can see where this is going. Eventually, Schroedinger the Younger stumbled across the lab, experiments, and notes of Schroedinger the Elder.

He began dabbling in the dangerous and forbidding world of Theoretical Physics.

Before the story goes any further, let's have a brief review of the work of Schroedinger the Elder.

In 1935, Erwin Schroedinger was conducting a Science Experiment in the finished basement of his dark and forbidding castle in the Forbidding Mountains of Pennsylvania. Mwahahaha.

The experiment involved a cat, a box, a radio-active atom, and a hip-flask of Prussic Acid (or HCN for short).

On this particular evening, his pals Einstein and Heisenberg stopped by for a brewski. As the three friends enjoyed a nice Rolling Rock (or 33 for short), Einstein casually jabbed his thumb in the direction of the box (containing the cat, the atom and the prussic acid).

"Vat's in der Box, Erwin?" asked the Physicist of the Other Physicist.

"I'm not certain," was Schroedinger's reply.

Our Schroedinger, working day and night with his grandfather's notes, began his attempt to recreate the famous experiment. Ursula begged him to please stop for a while and eat; nobody wants a skinny Schroedinger. But to no avail. He was obsessed, he teetered on the brink of Madness. Mwahahaha.

One stormy night, we villagers gathered with our pitchforks and torches for the annual block party at the base of the very mountain where Schroedinger was, at long last, completing his experiment.

We heard his bellowing laugh from the top of the mountain between thunderclaps. Little did we know the ill effects his playing God would have for us all.

At the top of the mountain (mwahahaha), Schroedinger was completing his preparations, laughing maniacally. This time, however, there was no cat in a box. This time, insanely enough, it was a weiner dog in a tube.

That's right. A weiner dog in a tube. With a flask of Wild Turkey. It all made sense to the deteriorating mind of the once great thinker. The weiner dog in question was, of course, Lozenge.

One of the most charming aspects of Lozenge's character is that he is a good sport. This picture is an example of Lozenge's willingness to do just about anything for a friend:

So when it became apparent to the Mad Scientist that a weiner dog was the only solution to the Uncertainty Problem, Lozenge volunteered immediately.

It was at about this exact time that we villagers, having emptied the keg and had our fill of these snooty Mad Scientists way up there in their forbidding castles at the top of the forbidding moutains, decided to pay a visit to Young Doctor Schroedinger in an attempt to find out Just What the Heck He Thought He was Doing.

Just as Young Doctor Schroedinger sealed Lozenge into the tube (with flask, of course), he heard pounding pouding on the giant massive oak doors of his imposing residence.

It was us.

"Just What the Heck Do You Think You're Doing?", we all shouted in drunken unison (drunken unison is the opposite of the other kind of unison, you know).

The massive oak doors creaked and slowly opened. We, the villagers, having long since declared Mob Rule, swarmed through the door and into the castle's dungeon (downstairs, just through the rec room).

It was Professor Half himself who spoke for the now nearly silent crowd. Professor Half can always be counted on to do the talking when everybody's drunk. Kind of guy he is.

"What's in the tube, Allistair?" the Professor asked the Doctor.

The last whispers ended abruptly. Every eye was focused on Dr. Schroedinger. Every torch seemed to light only his face as we all waited expectantly for his answer.

"I.. I'm..." he began as a bead of sweat rolled down his face.

"I'm not..." he began again.

And then, from inside the tube, came a sound.

"Yip!"

It was Lozenge. "Yip!" is weiner dog language for, "What the heck is going on out there, anyway?"

There could be no doubt, no uncertainty. The tube contained a weiner dog. The probability was one hundred percent. The Uncertainty Problem had been solved.

Schroedinger stood proudly and without a hint of uncertainty, he told us, "There's a Weiner Dog in the tube"