Now, while I appreciate the not so subtly ironic commentary on advertising and media whoring, it stopped being funny after about the thirtyseventh time. Alas, brother Phillips writes the checks around here so all I gots is my Nuremberg defense: "I vas just folloving orders".

So I will try to just refer to this fine establishment as "this fine establishment" in order to rectify the confilct between the edicts of the administration and my low tolerance for old and busted funny.

I will adress your questions in their order of importance to me. Well that's not really true because I don't really give a fuck about your questions but again Stubby signs the blah blah blah.

Now I realize Schroedinger is quite a bit to type. Hell, it's a lot to say. So why don't I have a clever little moniker? It's not like Professor 1/2 has a 1, a /, or a 2 on his birth certificate, nicknames are the modus operandi up in this piece.

This brings up a point of contention among the faculty. As has occurred in prior naming discussions, there is some dispute about the form and rules of providing a nickname. I violated these sacrosanct commandments by suggesting my own nickname:

'dinger.

Look how it rolls across both the fingers and tounge like the nether regions of a seventeen year old girl. I'm not going to include the politically correct "if thats your type of thing" because seventeen year old girls are everyones type of thing.

Anyway, in response to my thoughtless transgession of the poorly defined, never written down, arbitrary rules governing superhero/nicknames , the faculty proposed the nickname of ASS (See, its funny because its my initials and it says ass. I've never heard that one before. Nor have I been kicked out of more than one grade school for responding to such wit. Those records, much like the joke, are jeuvenile and therefore sealed).

For all the high powered intellects on the faculty of this fine establishment, you'd think they wouldn't giggle so hard at a fucking butt joke. After reminding the other members of the faculty of my position as Adjunct Professor of Applying Physics it was agreed to just go with Schroedinger.

No I don't mean Applied Physyics. That's engineering. Get yourself a dictionary, fuckwit.

The only thing I find more tiresome than jokes about my initials is the question, "What do you mean 'Applying Physics'?". So I usually answer it by Applying my size thirteen foot to your ass and illustrating the concept referred to in Newtonian physics and the Conservation of Momentum.

You see, a body at rest, your ass, tends to stay at rest until acted on by an outside force, my foot. And the same body in motion, your ass after I kick it, tends to stay in motion, especially if it knows what's good for it.

Why does this fine establishment need a department of Applying Physics?

Well, basically, sometimes Stubby needs some heavy shit carried or some other shit broken. Both things are made much easier when you bring the 6'5", 300 pound guy. Yes, I do realize that not all of that 300 pounds is muscle. It was very thoughtful of you to point that out. I'll address that subject at another time, By the way, where do you live again? Cocksucker.

As an introduction, I think this will suffice and I hope to speak with you all again soon.
 

ASS APAP